Saturday, September 6, 2008: Louie Mueller Barbecue (Taylor, Texas)

The 36-mile drive to Louie Mueller Barbecue in Taylor, Texas, was not the most scenic, but it was absolutely worth it. Louie Mueller was a gem. Like walking into City Marking (Luling) or Smitty's (Lockhart), you know you're in for a treat when you step through the doors of Louie Mueller and take a breath. And it was not downhill from there.

This former gymnasium's walls are now blackened by the smoke from the pit (Be sure to check out the wall of business cards stained brown from the smoke.), adorned with old pictures, memorabilia, and barbecue awards/recognitions (of which they have won many, including a spot in Texas Monthly's Top 5 for 2008). Also reminiscent of Smitty's, we sweated while we stood in line. Fortunately, the drinks are to left of the line, so you may help yourself to a drink while you wait.

When we made it to the counter to order, we were pleased to have brisket samples waiting for us on our trays. The bite-sized brisket affirmed our suspicion that we were in for a great meal. (By the way, you've gotta love a place whose menu is handwritten on paper taped to the wall.) We also knew that we'd better brought our A-Game, after seeing the beef ribs, appropriately described by Amir as "elephant ribs" and as "14-ounce filets on bones." Huge. Lance Kirkpatrick single-handedly handled all of the meat cutting, while his friendly wife Jamie worked the register. Great folks.

We (Amir, Drew, Jason, Jenny, Russell, and Todd) ordered moist brisket, turkey, pork loin, pork ribs, beef ribs, sausage, chipotle sausage, and jalapeño sausage.

Russell weighs in first: "My friends, Louie Mueller's legendary BBQ was likely my favorite TX BBQ joint to date. Loved the authentic Texas atmosphere, including the cold Shiner Bock in mason jar mugs, the bench seating, the breeze blowing that smoky brisket smell all throughout the place. The whole place has sort of an old-fashioned Texas barn-dance feel to it. While it's not exactly a scenic drive through the hill country or anything to get up there, I still highly recommend making the trip out NE of the ATX every chance you get and just straight manning up on one of those monstrous, rhino-size beef ribs. Beef Ribs: huge, almost 'elephant-sized' as Amir so appropriately pointed out, and yet very tender and tasty; clearly, my recommended dish at Mueller's; Moist Brisket: tender and you don't need no stinking sauce. Pork Ribs: nice and moist, but a bit too peppery for my taste. Pork Loin: theirs is actually relatively moist as this item goes. Turkey: I'm not much of a bird-eater by nature, but there's was pretty flavorful and moist. Overall: my closest to that elusive perfect 10 yet---this may well be the ultimate man-up dining experience. Bottom line: The beef ribs and moist brisket at Louie Mueller's in Taylor is what manning up on Texas BBQ is all about. And that's a stone-cold lock that you can man up by."

Jason concurs: "I too will have to agree with Russell and say this is the best place I've been to so far. The customer service was excellent; very kind people; getting a taste of brisket while we wait too. Price point on this place is by far the most affordable bbq place I've been to as well. I even manned up and got left overs; and i must say even after reheating the rib and turkey i got; it was excellent! Brisket was very good... i like mine to be more fatty; but for what i had it was excellent! Turkey... wow on the turkey; excellent; very juicy and moist and great flavor. you can taste the brine! Pork ribs were very tender, flavor was def. unique; i enjoyed it but not as much as Smitty's but you can't really compare the two. Pork Lion was amazing; very most; i love the fatty piece i got! I was a fan of the pork; glad i got seconds. Sausage that I got to try was pretty good; i tried the chipotle and it had great flavor. Overall i was a fan of this place; the atmoshpere of the resturant was nice as well. I'd def. make the trip out there again!"

It was Jenny's first time to man up, and man up she did: "I can still smell brisket in my hair and feel like I'm more of a man now. Beef ribs were the best thing on the menu. They are HUGE and tasty and require at least two tooth-picks postprandial secondary to the abundance of cracked pepper. The pork ribs did nothing to excite my taste buds. Chipotle Sausage made my taste buds happy. I liked the kick at the end. Jalapeño Sausage had a good flavor and an awkward green hue, but it falls apart and isn't as juicy its chipotle fried. Customer service was excellent. But, really, my favorite part was the ice cold Shiner Bock on tap, served in a mason jar."

It was Amir's first time, as well. Great to have Amir on board, except for the fact that hanging around Amir makes you realize how much less cool you are. At any rate, we hope Amir continues to take part. His thoughts on his first Man-Up outing: "My first man-up dining experience was a good one! The drive to Taylor was very easy and the company (and music) was good! (I think it is worth noting that you folks are way too generous with your scores. 9.375 is a very good score! You fatties keep mentioning the elusive 'perfect 10.' Well think about your scoring!!! 9.99 is really no different than 10...that is so close to a perfect 10 that it might as well be! Chill out with the scoring fatties!) Beef ribs: didn't have them...but the rest of you fatties sure liked them! Moist brisket: very good, but I have had better. Pork ribs: good ribs, but no where near as good as the st louis ribs from Rudy's. Pork Loin: very moist. Turkey: yummy goodness! The atmosphere and ambiance at Louie Mueller's is awesome! We will be hard pressed to find a better TX BBQ dining environment. The food was very good, but there is better bbq out there."

Todd begs to differ: "I write tonight with a heavy heart. Today I learned that Mr. Mueller passed away this weekend. Early Saturday morning, only hours before we visited his pride and joy. Bobby Mueller certainly continued his father's great tradition of amazing BBQ. What a great legacy to leave behind, a hard-working, strong-loving family that excepts nothing less than the best. This rating is dedicated to the Mueller family, you're in my thoughts and prayers. When we arrived to Louie Mueller's Saturday afternoon, we were greeted by the incredibly sweet smell of gool ol' fashioned bbq. The smell that takes about 50 years to generate. The historic building is a perfect compliment to the history of the Mueller's bbq secrets. Everything in this place is historic, even to the smoke-colored business cards that line the wall. I strongly recommend that you have at least one beef rib (by far the best I have ever had. simply put, a steak sitting atop a bone, amazing!). Then, if you still have room move on the the moist brisket, followed by the turkey and pork ribs. I ordered 2 beef ribs, 3 pork ribs, and 1/3 lb of moist brisket...I 'manned-up,' so don't be afraid to go crazy! (by the way, that is like 3lbs of meat) This is my first and only perfect 10. Everything in this place is good, but the beef ribs and overall experience put it over the top, and in a league of it's own. enjoy fellow bbq-ers!"

Russell's rankings - Beef Ribs: 10; Moist Brisket: 9.95. Jalapeño Sausage: 9.90; Chipotle Sausage: 9.85; Pork Ribs: 9.25. Pork Loin: 9. Turkey: 9. Overall: 9.99

Jason's rankings - Brisket: 9; Pork Ribs: 9; Turkey: 10; Beef Ribs: 9; Pork Lion: 9.2; Chipotle Sausage: 8.5; Overall: 9.5

Jenny's rankings - Beef Ribs: 9.91; Pork Ribs: 6; Chipotle Sausage: 9.89; Jalapeño Sausage: 8.25; Customer Service: 9.89; Ice-cold Shiner Bock on tap, served in a mason jar: 10; Overall: 9.49; Hearing "man-up" every other sentence: 11.2

Amir's rankings - Moist Brisket: 9.25; Jalapeño Sausage: 8.50; Pork Ribs: 8.75; Pork Loin: 9.00; Turkey: 9.15; Overall: 9.375

Todd's rankings - Beef Ribs: 10; Moist Brisket: 9.89; Turkey: 9.76; Pork Ribs: 9.22; Pork Loin: 7.14; Dessert Selection: 7.5; Overall: 10

Drew's rankings - Moist Brisket: 9.3; Pork Ribs: 9.6; Chipotle Sausage: 7; Jalapeño Sausage: 7.3; Turkey: 10; Overall: 9.7

Overall Man-Up Ranking: 9.6758

(Again, we offer our condolences to the family and friends of Bobby Mueller, Louie Mueller's owner and pit master, who died Saturday.)